What I found when I dug deep for my WHY
Tl; Dr: I answered these questions honesty and the outcome is not what I thought.
In response to bullet point number 14 in this post by Thrive Global [Medium Link], I took a few minutes earlier today to determine my "WHY"? Point #14 is
Know and Operate From Your Deepest “Why”
I wanted to understand why it was that I had quit a well paying job with oversight responsibilities, a career track for the asking, Eddie my Pointer mix rescue, an beautiful, in-the-money townhome in a gentrifying part of Atlanta, amazing friends, and a social life to move back to Jamshedpur, the still sleepy town of my birth living under my parents roof with an unstated curfew of around 2230 hrs when they went off to sleep.
The results are as follows. I answered these questions honesty and the outcome is not what I thought.
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Why do you want to be self-employed?
Because all the cool kids are self-employed. -
Why is it important that the cool kids are self-employed?
If I am self employed, then I will also be a cool kid -
Why do you want to be a cool kid?
Because I want to be "in" when I have always been "out" -
Why do you want to be "in"?
Because being "in" gives me friends, thought provoking conversations, something to look forward to, something to keep my mind from being idle. -
Why do you want your mind to not be idle?
Because I feel lonely and bereft when my mind is idle. -
Why do you feel lonely and bereft when your mind is idle?
Because I AM lonely and bereft. -
Why are you lonely and bereft?
Because I don't have close friendships and relationships -
Why do you not have close friendships and relationships?
Because I get bored of people and push them away or otherwise discard them after a while. -
Why do you discard people after a while?
Because they stop stimulating me -
Why do they stop stimulating you?
Because they stop responding to me in exciting ways -
Why do they stop responding to you in exciting ways?
Because they aren't thinking about things as deeply as I am or their views are contrary/anathema to me
At this point, I felt there was really nothing to do but to confront the fact that I am where I am today because of this core reason namely
I discard people whose conversations with me cease to excite me.
Seen another way, I am a parasite discarding a host body the minute they stop nourishing me.
If I can work on being more accepting of people, I can find companionship in the most mundane jobs or circumstances.
Now, I have to go off and work on this aspect of who I am. Hope this journey helps someone else confront their "WHY" and find a way forward.